Relationships – Making them work
Relationships: Making Them Work
A deeper look at love, connection, and astrological synastry
Relationships sit at the centre of human experience. Every day, we navigate a wide range of connections that shape our feelings, choices, and sense of belonging. These may be romantic partners, friends, teachers, colleagues, mentors, family members, or business collaborators. Each offers a different dynamic, purpose, and level of emotional impact. Understanding why certain people touch our lives deeply while others remain on the periphery has fascinated humans for centuries. In astrology, we call this Synastry, which provides a framework for understanding these patterns.
Synastry is the art of comparing two or more birth charts to understand how people connect. In a romantic relationship, it reveals how energy flows between them, what draws them together, and what may cause tension or misunderstanding. This becomes particularly helpful. Love brings out the best and the worst in us, and astrologers have long observed that the interplay of two individual charts shows the nature, purpose, and longevity of the connection.
This overview explores the foundations of lasting relationships, the importance of chemistry and compatibility, and how astrology provides clarity in an area of life that often feels mysterious.
Understanding the foundations of connection
At its core, a relationship is an energetic exchange between two individuals. It is not simply about personality traits; it is about how two people stimulate, challenge, calm, or activate each other. Astrology views relationships through this energetic lens. Each person’s chart contains the blueprint of their emotional needs, communication style, values, desires, and instinctive behaviours. When two charts are placed together, it becomes clear where their energies blend well and where they may clash.
People often assume that relationships fail because of a lack of love. In practice, love is only part of the story. Relationships falter when communication styles differ too widely, when emotional needs are mismatched, or when one person’s drive for independence conflicts with the other’s yearning for closeness. Synastry helps identify these patterns without judgement. It offers insight into what each person brings to the relationship and what they unconsciously seek through the partnership.
Some relationships have a clear purpose, such as supporting growth, healing old wounds, or teaching boundaries. Others are short-lived yet play an important role in shaping how we understand ourselves. Astrology helps highlight the purpose of each relationship, whether it is meant to be long-term or a stepping stone toward a deeper connection later.
Chemistry and longevity: the two essential ingredients
In romantic relationships, two key factors tend to dominate. Chemistry creates the spark, and longevity sustains the bond. Chemistry is the initial attraction that pulls two people together. It may be magnetic, exciting, overwhelming, or even inexplicable. Astrology identifies at least twenty-six contact points that influence attraction. These include the planets of love, desire, emotion, communication, and identity. When these connect between the charts, there is usually a sense of familiarity or recognition, even when the individuals have just met.
Chemistry can ignite a relationship quickly, yet without indicators of longevity, the connection may fade as soon as the initial spark passes. Longevity is shown through deeper ties. These involve Saturn contacts, nodal links, aspects between the luminaries, and supportive patterns between the angles. Without these, the relationship may never reach a stage where emotional commitment feels natural. This explains why some couples feel intensely connected but cannot move beyond casual involvement, while others grow together slowly yet develop a strong, resilient bond.
The idea of the seven-year itch is well known, and, interestingly, it aligns with an astrological cycle that culminates around the ages of twenty-eight to thirty, recurs around fifty-six to fifty-eight, and repeats once more in the mid-eighties. These cycles often coincide with relationship turning points. There may be emotional distance, job transitions, health changes, or a need to renegotiate the relationship’s framework. None of these periods guarantees a breakup. They mark developmental phases that test the bond’s strength. Couples who focus on shared goals rather than individual agendas often emerge more united after these periods.
Astrologers can identify the timing of these cycles and help couples understand what they are entering, how long it may last, and what type of growth is being asked of them. This insight alone can ease anxiety and transform how partners support each other during challenging phases.
Beyond sun signs: what people really look for in love
A common question from clients is, “What type of person should I look for?” Many people hope there is a simple answer based on sun sign compatibility. Unfortunately, it is not that straightforward. Human beings are far more complex than twelve basic categories. Sun signs provide a general flavour but cannot capture emotional needs, communication preferences, conflict style, sexual expression, life goals, or comfort levels with intimacy.
Fire signs tend to thrive on enthusiasm and action. Earth signs create stability and practical reliability. Air signs value intellectual connection and freedom of thought. Water signs seek emotional depth and intuitive bonding. These broad elements help identify areas of ease, but they are only the beginning. A person with a fire sun may have a strong water emphasis elsewhere in the chart, making them more sensitive than expected. A seemingly grounded earth sign may have an airy approach to relationships when their chart shows a strong need for space or autonomy.
Astrology also helps clarify deeper questions. How does a person communicate in conflict? What do they need to feel emotionally safe? Do they prefer long-term commitment, or do they thrive in relationships that allow flexibility, whatever that means? How do they express desire? What are they afraid of? These are vital pieces of information when choosing a partner and building a life together.
Some couples naturally merge and become inseparable. Others require space and independence to function well. Neither pattern is right nor wrong; it simply reflects different energetic needs. Problems arise when individuals expect their partner to behave in a way that contradicts their natural wiring. Knowing these differences early allows both partners to negotiate the relationship more respectfully and realistically.
Sexual compatibility: a vital yet often overlooked factor
Sexual compatibility is an important component of many relationships. It influences intimacy, trust, communication, and emotional bonding. Astrology has a well-established method of identifying sexual compatibility through the planets associated with desire, passion, and instinctive attraction. When certain points align strongly between two charts, there is usually clear physical chemistry.
A recent consultation illustrates this well. The woman in the relationship was deep, intense, and somewhat guarded. She struggled with issues around trust, vulnerability, and self-worth. She often demanded proof of her partner’s love and affection, yet nothing he did felt sufficient. This dynamic created an ongoing cycle where she sought control without consciously realising it.
The man, highly charismatic and driven in his profession, oscillated between devotion and deep frustration. He loved her intensely yet found himself unable to break through her emotional defences. He also had strong control tendencies, which compounded the tension. Despite these challenges, their charts revealed strong sexual chemistry and clear indicators of relationship longevity. Both genuinely wanted a long-term future together.
Their difficulties stemmed from understanding the differences between your stuff, their stuff, and our stuff! Not a particularly sophisticated way of expressing difference, however, we need to understand the difference. Once the couple understood their different needs and fear patterns, they were able to develop healthier communication habits. They learned to listen without assuming, clarify their intentions, and express vulnerability more openly. This laid the groundwork for a more balanced and trusting relationship.
The value of astrological insight in modern relationships
Many clients express relief after a synastry consultation. They often say it feels as though someone has finally explained what is happening beneath the surface. This is the power of astrology. It cuts through stories, assumptions, and surface behaviour to reveal the underlying motivations and patterns that drive the relationship.
One client later shared:
“Thank you, thank you, thank you. It has been a huge help in gaining a greater understanding of what has been going on and assisting me in responding more effectively. We have been communicating well since and have been able to get to the bottom of what has been happening. We both agreed that we have issues to resolve and work on and now feel able to tackle them a bit at a time.”
Modern life moves quickly. Many people barely have time to navigate the early stages of courtship. Synastry provides a clear, accurate, and timely analysis so couples can understand the potential of their connection early on. It supports informed choice. It highlights the strengths of the relationship and alerts the couple to blind spots they may need to address.
Synastry does not dictate who a person should love. It does not predict the inevitable success or failure of a relationship. Instead, it offers insight by providing a roadmap that allows partners to work together with greater awareness. When used wisely, it becomes a tool for growth, emotional honesty, and conscious decision-making.
In the end, relationships succeed when both people understand themselves and each other. Using the astrological wisdom of Synastry accelerates that understanding. It highlights the lessons, the potential, the passion, and the pathway forward. For many couples, no matter how they identify, this knowledge becomes the foundation for individual empowerment and a more authentic, resilient, and fulfilling relationship.
Reference, an oldy but a goodie: How to Handle Your Human Relations, Louis Haines Sargent, American Federation of Astrologers, Inc., 1970.
